


Merry and Bright

by frapandfurious



Series: I Will Share Your Road [3]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst with a Happy Ending, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Dorks in Love, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, References to Attempted Kidnapping, References to Neglectful Parent, Road Trips, Romantic Fluff, Surprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 05:31:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12977076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frapandfurious/pseuds/frapandfurious
Summary: Through the large window to the living room, Hux could see a tree, brightly lit and packed with ornaments. The family appeared in the room, still chatting and laughing and setting things down. It was something out of a damn Hallmark movie, yet he couldn’t pull his eyes away.Stupid. Frivolous. A waste of time and money.Those were the words he’d come to associate with such things. But deep down he knew that was his father’s voice, not his own.And it made his chest ache to think of all the things he’d missed out on, that it was now too late for. All those years wasted seeking the love and approval of someone who didn’t have any of it to give.*Hux wants to have a real Christmas for once. Kylo notices.





	Merry and Bright

**Author's Note:**

> This series is a bit like the original Star Wars movies....a solid trilogy and then a Christmas special nobody asked for. :'D
> 
> But I wanted to write more of these two and I wanted to write something holiday and before I knew it, I was imagining them with a decorated hotel room and shoddily wrapped gifts and starting their own little Christmas traditions. <3
> 
> Takes place after Wanderlust and Downpour but before the events of There's A Desert in My Blood.
> 
> Enjoy!

If someone had told Hux that one day he would spend the week of Christmas at a place called Dinosaur National Monument, eating caramel popcorn while overlooking a beautiful river after a day of hiking, he would have laughed in their face.

 

Life was strange.

 

He met Kylo three months ago, and they’d spent most of that time making their way along the coast of California and feeling out this new thing they both dove into headfirst. It was terrifying and adventurous and insane and…wonderful. Kylo stirred something in Hux he’d thought long dead, a sense of fun and recklessness that over a decade of living under his father’s strict rule hadn’t manage to completely stomp out. Hux never wanted it to end.

 

The monument was actually an entire national park in Colorado, which had earned its name from the abundance of fossils embedded in rock throughout the park. When Kylo read about it online he’d lit up like a child in a toy store, gaze flickering between Hux and the laptop screen.

 

“I loved dinosaurs when I was a kid,” he muttered in a way that was so clearly trying to conceal _I still love dinosaurs_.

 

And how could Hux say no to that face that he was falling in love with a little more with every passing day?

 

The place was sprawling and beautiful, with a little bit of everything – winding rivers through scenic valleys and mountain trails leading to beautiful views and of course, the promised fossils. With the holidays so close, it wasn’t crowded. The weather was cool but not freezing, perfect for wearing the new coats they’d splurged on.

 

They stayed at a little motel off Route 40, just outside a tiny town also named Dinosaur, complete with streets with names like Brachiosaurus Bypass and Triceratops Terrace.

 

Neither of them mentioned the holidays outside of remarks about some of the strange decorations people seemed to have, and Kylo saying that they’d have to make sure to jump on the post-holiday candy clearance.

 

The night of Christmas Eve, after sharing an appetizer platter at one of the two bar-and-grills in town, Hux and Kylo decided to take a walk. There was no snow whatsoever, but enough chill in the air to warrant gloves and hats and scarves.

 

They walked gloved-hand in gloved-hand through the town, with no destination in particular. Not many people lived there, but the clustered houses were all decorated with brightly colored lights, wreathes on the doors and lawn ornaments in some yards.

 

They walked in silence, _enjoying_ the silence, the absence of expectations, the empty streets and starry sky and fresh air.

 

Sudden sounds from one of the nearby houses drew their attention. They both turned at once to see a car pull into the driveway. The car shut off and a woman and a young boy stepped out, arms laden with food and gifts. The door to the house was already opening, welcoming voices from the doorway, a family of four. They greeted each other, hugs and kisses and _my how you’ve grown_ , before disappearing back into the warm home. Silence fell over the neighborhood once more.

 

Through the large window to the living room, Hux could see a tree, brightly lit and packed with ornaments. The family appeared in the room, still chatting and laughing and setting things down. It was something out of a damn Hallmark movie, yet he couldn’t pull his eyes away.

 

Living with his father, Christmas was a formality and little more. His father and stepmother had the house professionally decorated, like every other house on the block, the sort of orderly beauty that brought families from other neighborhoods driving past to _ooh_ and _aah_ at. They attended a fancy dinner at a country club every Christmas Eve, with his father’s coworkers and their families, everyone dressed in their finest and taking turns bragging about their accomplishments. There was the illusion of celebrating, and only that. Inside their home there were no stockings with their names on them. They didn’t exchange gifts or visit family or watch movies, none of the things Hux listened enviously to his classmates talk about.

 

Before that, in his brief childhood spent with his mother, there was at least something. He didn’t remember much. What he could remember: freshly baked cookies and a big glass of milk, gulped down so eagerly he’d end up with a milk mustache that made his mother giggle. A bright red stocking with a hand-embroidered _A_ and a patch shaped like a cat sewn on. A handful of small gifts under a plastic tree decorated with paper ornaments she’d cut out for him to color.

 

 _Stupid. Frivolous. A waste of time and money_.

 

Those were the words he’d come to associate with such things. But deep down he knew that was his father’s voice, not his own.

 

And it made his chest ache to think of all the things he’d missed out on, that it was now too late for. All those years wasted seeking the love and approval of someone who didn’t have any of it to give.

 

“ _Hux?_ ”

 

The voice seemed loud, right beside his ear, and it startled him. He blinked away the dampness suddenly blurring his vision – because of the cold, surely – and the world came back into focus. Something was squeezing his hand. It took another moment for him to pull his gaze away from the warmly lit window and look at who it was.

 

Kylo. Of course. He wasn’t seven anymore, falling asleep to his mother reading “A Visit from St. Nicholas”. He wasn’t twelve, alone in a huge house on Christmas morning while his father was at work in spite of the holiday and his stepmother went out with her friends. He was in Colorado with Kylo, bundled up against the wintry air, his belly full of beer and bar food.

 

Kylo who was looking at him with concern, mouth opening and closing as he debated whether _are you okay_ was a stupid question.

 

He didn’t ask, and Hux was grateful for it because he didn’t want to have to lie. He pressed himself close to Kylo’s side and nestled his face against his neck.

 

“I’m cold.”

 

Kylo’s released his hand to put his arm around his shoulders, snug and strong. He was like the rock walls of the canyons they’d spent the week exploring, steady and immovable. At moments like this, when Hux felt afloat in a sea of doubt and regret, it was exactly what he needed.

 

“Let’s go back. I kept the heat turned up so it’ll be nice and warm when we get in.” He studied Hux’s face for a moment. He kissed his forehead. “I’ll make us hot chocolate, too. Sound good?”

 

It did. It wasn’t Christmas, but it sounded good all the same.

 

“Yeah,” Hux replied.

 

As they walked away, he couldn’t help sparing one last glance back to the house. The family had moved from the living room to the dining room, presumably for a late dinner, or maybe just cookies and milk. It didn’t matter. It was right in front of him, and yet a world away.

 

He looked away, focusing on the warmth of the man beside him. He didn’t see Kylo follow his longing gaze, or the comprehension that dawned on his face.

 

 

*

 

 

_One Year Later_

 

December was as picturesque as a postcard; at least, it was where they were staying in Oregon, in a town about an hour outside of Portland. Snow had fallen, a good six inches at least, and then stopped, allowing the crews to clear the roads and sidewalks. It stayed cold enough that the snow never melted. It painted the lawns and rooftops white, cut through with inky lines of road and the gray, reaching branches of trees. It would be a dreary sight if it weren’t for the glimmer and colors of holiday decorations all over town.

 

They ended up here after Kylo found a seasonal warehouse job. It paid well and was part time, leaving them plenty of time to explore. When he brought it up, Hux was quick to respond to some local ads looking for tutors, and the decision was made.  Kylo’s job would last a little over a month, through the first week of January, so they booked a room in an extended stay motel. It was similar to their usual accommodations, but a little larger: across the room from the bed were a sofa and a desk, to one side a dresser and television, and to the other a kitchenette with a table for two. Just for a little while, they settled in.

 

The town was beautiful, especially at this time of year. The main streets had maintained a sort of vintage charm which the residents used to their full advantage, decorating in a way that was welcoming and not over the top, with warmly lit lamps and wreathes on the door to every shop and a tree at the town center.

 

When they took walks through town it took everything Hux had to act as though he was unaffected by it all. He doubted Kylo remembered that night in Colorado a year ago and that was for the best. The subject of holidays and family traditions had come up only once since then, mid-summer when December was far from their minds. Hux told Kylo about Christmases with his father and Kylo went on a rant about his parents having all their friends over for dinner and that was that.

 

When Kylo first suggested they come here he felt a tiny spark of hope. It was such a _festive_ place, it seemed impossible to stay here long and not catch a little holiday spirit, or whatever. But as the days went on his hope slowly died.

 

He didn’t even know what he was hoping for exactly. A big dinner? It was just the two of them. Decorations? They only had Kylo’s car in which to keep everything they owned, it wasn’t worth the storage space. Cookies and milk, wrapped presents? They were grown men; those things were for kids.

 

 _Stupid. Frivolous. A waste of time and money_.

 

Any time he found himself fixated on foolish hopes, he repeated his father’s words in his head until they went away. If he felt a little colder, a little emptier, well, it was something he’d just have to get used to. He kept it all inside and Kylo was none the wiser. It was better this way. Really.

 

*

 

“What’s this one? Oh, jewelry. This stuff’s pretty. My mom wears a lot of jewelry but, like, big clunky stuff, like grandma used to wear.”

 

Kylo briefly lifted a necklace from where it dangled from a black velvet stand, the little charm looking so tiny in his huge palm, before releasing it and pulling away, stuffing his hands into his pockets and backing up like he was afraid he might break something.

 

Hux hummed in acknowledgment. His hand was low on Kylo’s back, rubbing gently, knowing how tense Kylo was at the crowded craft fair, with people bustling about and rows and rows of booths filled with beautiful, often fragile handmade things. When they passed it on their afternoon walk Hux’s gaze had lingered on the sign out front a little too long, and Kylo had noticed and guided him inside.

 

“My stepmother wears expensive things and brags about how father gave them to her on their anniversary,” Hux said. “She’s lying; she buys them herself, but it sounds better doesn’t it?” He couldn’t quite keep the bitterness from his tone. Kylo looped his arm around his shoulders and gave him a sympathetic little squeeze.

 

“Oh, hey,” Kylo said, suddenly distracted. “That booth is selling salsa. I can’t remember the last time we had chips and salsa. Can I take a look?”

 

Hux smiled. “Sure. If you get any, pick a mild one for me, too.” He’d never developed a taste for spicy things and didn’t plan on starting now.

 

“Of course, babe.” Kylo kissed his temple before releasing him and meandering over to the table to look at the wide array of dips and salsas.

 

Hux turned back to the booth of jewelry. It was lovely, really, gleaming rings and bracelets, subtle charms hung on delicate gold and silver chains. They were slightly eclectic, charms shaped like animals and cameras and bicycles, but not gaudy or over the top.

 

He found himself standing in front of a round, rotating metal stand with silver necklaces hanging from each extending bar. Hux turned it absently, watching the charms sway against each other. When he had it half way turned, he realized there was a theme, each charm shaped like a different constellation with tiny crystals for stars.

 

He froze in his movements, his eye catching on one in particular.

 

_They were at a cabin in South Dakota in the middle of February. The sun had set an hour ago and Hux assumed they would spend the evening watching movies. But Kylo had stepped out onto the deck for a moment, gasped loud enough that Hux heard it from inside, and poked his head back in, a look of childlike excitement on his face._

_“Come check this out!”_

_Hux set down the magazine he’d picked up and followed him outside._

_“Look up.”_

_So he did, and it was his turn to gasp. Above them was an array of stars like he’d never seen before, the kind of view you had to get far, far away from city lights to see._

_“Wow,” he breathed._

_“Yeah,” Kylo said, pressed side to side with him, gaze also fixed upwards. “Wow is right. Stay here.”_

_“Huh?”_

_Kylo darted inside. He reemerged a moment later with some blankets and a hoodie._

_“Put this on,” he said, handing Hux the hoodie, “in case you get cold.” Then he moved off of the deck to spread the blankets out on the grass._

_Still confused, Hux slipped the hoodie on and followed Kylo into the small yard. When Kylo flopped down onto the blankets, he raised an eyebrow, though it was too dark for Kylo to see it._

_“Are we sleeping out here? Because there are mosquitos, and – “_

_“No, no, just…come on, lie down, please?”_

_So Hux did, with an exaggerated sigh, but he wasn’t really bothered as much as curious. He settled with his head against Kylo’s shoulder and let Kylo wrap an arm around him._

_They were silent for a moment, enjoying the view. Then Kylo began to speak._

_“When I was a kid, dad would sometimes take me out late at night, way past my bedtime. He didn’t tell mom but I think she knew…anyway, he’d take me out to the country, away from town, to this empty field. He’d park the truck and set up blankets and pillows in the back and…we would lie out there like this, looking at the stars. There weren’t quite this many but it was still really cool. He pointed out planets, if they were visible, like, Mars and stuff. And constellations. Half the time I fell asleep on the drive home and he had to carry me inside.” Kylo sighed. “Not everything with my dad was great. Especially after I hit middle school. But that…that was great. It’s one of my best memories with him.”_

_His arm tightened around Hux while Hux processed the story. They didn’t talk about their families much but sometimes little things would remind Kylo of stories like this. It made Hux wonder if he missed them more than he let on, which made him wonder if eventually he’d want to go back to them, and then – then Hux didn’t know what he’d do, so he never let himself think beyond that._

_“So,” he said instead. “He taught you constellations?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“Will you teach me?”_

_“Oh. Uh. Okay, um…” he took a moment to scan the sky. Then he quickly pointed with his free hand. “Well there’s the Big Dipper, but I guess everyone knows that one– “_

_“I didn’t,” Hux said quickly, a little embarrassed in spite of himself. Hux’s father never had the time or desire to take his son out and teach him things. Especially not things like this, which he would have found pointless. “What else?”_

_“Well, then there’s…uh…that – that V-shaped thing is something, I think, and uh…”_

_He lowered his hand. “Um. Shit. I don’t remember any others.” He paused, slightly embarrassed, Hux could tell from the way he scratched at his head. “I could make some up?”_

_Hux laughed. “Sure.”_

_Kylo held him close and began connecting any combination of stars he could find, coming up with increasingly ridiculous names and stories for them. Hux soon joined in, reveling in the still new act of doing something just for fun, without any real objective. They stayed outside under the stars until Hux fell asleep and Kylo carried him inside._

 

After that it became something of a running joke between them. Any time they were anywhere with a view of stars, they would seek out the Big Dipper and then point vaguely at other shapes and make up names for them. Hux kept meaning to buy Kylo an astronomy book, or stop at a library to print out some pages from a website so they could learn more.

 

He held the little constellation charm in his fingers for so long the artist running the booth approached him.

 

“Can I help you with something?” she asked cheerfully. He looked up at her, almost said no, then glanced over to where Kylo was still sampling salsas. He looked at the necklace again.

 

“This.” He said. “I’d like to buy this, please.”

 

*

 

The day of Christmas Eve was bitter cold and a frost covered everything. It seemed to permeate even their cozy little room. Hux pressed closer to Kylo under the blankets, leeching his warmth, humming in approval when Kylo’s legs tangled with his and one arm flopped heavily over him.

 

Kylo yawned and pressed a sleepy kiss to the top of his head. “Morning,” he mumbled. “So glad I’m off today,” he added, gathering Hux closer.

 

Hux sighed. That was right; it was Christmas Eve. Kylo had today and tomorrow off. Two whole days for them to spend together.

 

If it was warmer maybe they would have gone exploring, but as it was, it looked more likely they’d spend the time inside where it was warm. It wasn’t celebrating, but it was good anyway, Hux told himself. It would be fine.

 

Kylo finally pried himself from Hux’s grip, insisting on taking a quick shower, and Hux reluctantly let him go. He lay there a minute longer, staring off out the window, but the bed was too big and too cold without Kylo, so he pulled a blanket around his shoulders and shuffled over to the thermostat to turn it up and then made his way over to the kitchenette at the other end of the room to start their coffee.

 

The coffee maker gurgled to life. A moment later Hux heard the shower come on in the bathroom. The blanket still around his shoulders, he walked over to the couch and plopped down. His laptop case was propped against the leg of the coffee table; he pulled it closer, unzipped it, and reached into the inside pocket where he kept its charging cord.

 

He felt around until his hand closed around what he was looking for. He pulled his hand back out and with it, a small paperback book.

 

Hux opened the book right in the middle, where the necklace was hidden, tucked inside with the chain dangling out from the top like a bookmark. He slid it into his open palm. It was as lovely as the day he bought it. And just like that day, and every day since, he was caught in a war with himself over whether to even _give_ the gift to Kylo.

 

It was…silly. Silly and sentimental and pointless. That was what his father would say, anyway; there was a reason he’d never given his wife jewelry. He’d scoff at the idea just like he would scoff if he could see Hux now, even considering this.

 

And Kylo…Kylo might laugh. He might find it odd. He’d accept it, for Hux’s sake, but never wear it without Hux asking. And Hux wouldn’t ask; he’d brush it off as nothing and then “misplace” the thing the first chance he got.

 

If he was going to give it, it had to be soon. Christmas would at least be something of an excuse for giving a gift, even if they weren’t celebrating. After that he supposed he could save it for Kylo’s birthday and see how he felt then…

 

Hux closed his fist around the necklace and sighed. Why did things like _this_ , little gestures of affection, sometimes feel like a bigger risk than running away from home on an endless road trip with a stranger?

 

The shower shut off and Hux quickly but carefully slipped the necklace back into the book, slid it back into the pocket and zipped the case shut.

 

When Kylo finally ambled in wearing sweats and a hoodie, Hux was preparing their coffee. Kylo came up behind him and wrapped around him from behind. Hux pushed back into the touch and tilted his head to allow Kylo to kiss along his neck and, for a little while, forgot his troubles.

 

As he anticipated, they spent the day inside, comfortable and lazy, bingeing a TV show only to lose focus when they got too wrapped up in kissing each other. To their credit, they only ended up moving to the bed once.

 

The sun set at a depressingly early five o’clock. Out the windows the town and surrounding neighborhoods glimmered with strings of lights on trees and houses. Hux tried not to look, tried not to remember this night last year. He tried to remember he was happy here with Kylo and that in itself was a huge step above being with his father. Still, every time his eyes landed on the laptop case he was reminded of his foolish desires. Eventually, when Kylo got up to start dinner, he grabbed the case and shoved it under the couch, out of sight.

 

Kylo made vegetable lasagna for dinner, one of Hux’s favorites. There was wine, too, and Kylo even said he had a dessert planned. It lifted his spirits, if only a little.

 

When they finished eating Hux began to clear the table, hoping Kylo wouldn’t suggest they go for a walk, lest he have a repeat of last year. In his head he practiced excuses: it’s too cold, I’m tired, what about dessert?

 

“Here, wait, I’ve got that,” Kylo said, reaching to take his plate from him. “I’ll clean up and get the – the dessert started.” Hux spared a thought to wonder what the secret was, why Kylo wouldn’t just tell him what they were having. He frowned and was about to ask when Kylo continued talking quickly. “Hey, uh, remember how we passed one of those DVD rental machines a couple blocks over? I bet it has stuff we won’t find on Netflix. You wanna bundle up and go pick us out something to watch?”

 

Hux’s heart sank. This was somehow worse than them taking a walk together; at least then he’d have a warm hand in his, a warm body to press up against. He didn’t know how much longer he’d last against the melancholy weighing on him if he went out in the cold alone.

 

But…Kylo sounded so eager. They sometimes bickered about what to watch, and he probably thought he was being considerate letting Hux pick. And when Hux returned there would be this promised dessert waiting for him, and Kylo, warm and on his second glass of wine. It would be okay.

 

“Yeah,” he said, releasing his plate so Kylo could take it and stack it with the rest of the dishes. “I can do that.”

 

Kylo shot him an odd look, likely catching something off in Hux’s tone. But to Hux’s relief, he didn’t say anything. He piled everything into the kitchen sink before returning to the living area to help Hux bundle up.

 

“Take your phone,” he reminded him, and Hux was glad that at least between the hat and two scarves Kylo had cocooned him in he had his eyes free to glare at the obvious suggestion. Kylo only chuckled, stuck Hux’s phone in one of the coat pockets and a credit card and the key to their unit in the other.

 

Kylo kissed the tip of Hux’s nose. “Stay safe. Stay warm. Come back soon. Okay?” And he at least had the decency to look apologetic.

 

Hux nodded and squirmed away from his doting. He wanted to get this over with. But Kylo was having none of it, catching him gently by the arm to kiss his cheek. “I love you.”

 

Hux sighed. “I love you too,” he said, though it came out muffled through the scarf around his face.

 

Outside, the wind bit at his exposed skin and made his eyes water. Without the warmth and reassurance of Kylo’s presence he could already feel his mood dropping. He let it for only a moment before he huffed irritably, warm breath turning to fog in the air. He shook his head and straightened his shoulders.

 

 _This is pathetic_ , he thought as he began the short trek down the sidewalk. _Just get a movie and get back. The sooner you get past this stupid holiday, the better._

 

The drug store where the rental kiosk was located was closed, but there was a light on over where the blue machine sat waiting, screen aglow.

 

He swiped through the choices once, twice, nothing standing out. He lingered for a moment on a holiday-themed comedy, before deciding on a gritty-looking sci-fi film he remembered seeing trailers for a few months back.

 

Walking back he took his time in spite of the cold. The fresh air cleared his head and there were no houses nearby to stir up memories and it wasn’t so bad. He thought over the day they’d spent together and, really, that wasn’t so bad either. He kicked himself for being sullen and ungrateful, and resolved to make a decision about the necklace by the time the night was up.

 

He took the stairs, rather than the elevator, the three stories up to their hall. At the door he hesitated with the key in the lock. He yanked the scarf down from his face, took a deep breath, shook off the last of his melancholy, and opened the door.

 

“I’m back,” he announced, shutting and locking the door behind him. “I hope you like – “

 

As he turned he froze midsentence, voice catching in his throat.

 

Their room had been transformed into something glowing and otherworldly. Multi-colored lights were strung along the walls, hastily taped up in little arches. On the desk sat a small artificial tree wrapped in the same lights with a glittering star on top. When Hux stepped closer he saw that it was decorated with more than just the lights: there was a silver beaded garland and small round ornaments hung with ribbon. Upon further inspection Hux saw that the ornaments were _bottle caps_. Not just any bottle caps, but ones they’d accumulated over their time together, from all over the country.

 

He stepped back from the tree and turned, taking in the rest, his eyes wide as saucers and lips parted. It was warm, suddenly, too warm, and he kicked off his boots and fought his way out of his scarves and hat and coat, dropping them onto the floor, uncaring, too captivated by the sight before him.

 

From the dresser, beneath where the TV sat, there hung a pair of bright red stockings with white trim, a bit flimsy-looking but _perfect_. One was marked with a _K_ and the other with an _H_ in what looked to be electrical tape. The _H_ one was stuffed almost to bursting and set on the dresser above it was a rectangular object, wrapped in newspaper and tied with the same ribbon used for the bottle cap ornaments.

 

Music was playing, he realized belatedly, from the clock-radio beside the bed. Something slow, an older song he may or may not have remembered.

 _Holidays are joyful_  
_There's always something new_  
_But every day's a holiday  
_ _When I'm near to you_

Sitting on one side of the coffee table was a plate of sugar cookies, and beside it two glasses and a carton of something. On the other side a green candle was burning. Between the freshly baked cookies and the pine-scented candle, the room smelled incredible.

 

And there on the couch was Kylo. He was perched at the edge, long legs bent awkwardly and hands clasped in front of him, watching Hux intently, gauging his reaction. One of his legs was bouncing just a little and he was chewing on his bottom lip. He was nervous.

 

“What is this?” Hux asked quietly, surprised his voice even worked around the lump in his throat.

 

Kylo cleared his throat and pushed a hand back through his hair. “It’s, uh. Christmas, I guess. Last year you seemed disappointed and I was too stupid to say anything. I wanted this year to be different. It’s not much, I know, but I hope it’s not too – I mean, I hope it’s…” he trailed off, looking frustrated.

 

“It’s _perfect_ ,” Hux finished for him. His vision was beginning to blur and he had to blink several times before he could see Kylo properly. It was warm inside, but he was shaking. He looked around the room again, then back to Kylo, who was smiling now. A room full of lights and he was the brightest thing in it.

 

“It’s perfect,” Hux said again, voice thick. He surged forward and dropped onto Kylo, straddling his lap and pinning him to the back of the couch. He stopped just short of a bruising kiss and instead wrapped his arms around his neck and captured his lips slowly, tenderly. Kylo shuddered and clung onto his hips.

 

Hux kissed him like that over and over, drinking in his soft sighs, until he pulled apart with a shudder of his own. Kylo’s hands found his face and it was then that Hux realized his cheeks were damp. When he sat up and looked at Kylo his eyes welled up with fresh tears to add to it, and just as quickly Kylo’s thumbs swept them away.

 

“So…you like it?” Kylo asked slowly.

 

Hux laughed shakily and nodded. “You could say that, yes.”

 

He turned to take in the room again, trying to sear it into his memory. His gaze fell to the table.

 

“You made the cookies?”

 

“They’re from premade dough,” Kylo admitted, “I knew I’d have a really short window, so…”

 

“What’s in the carton?” It wasn’t milk, but Hux couldn’t quite make out the label in the dim light.

 

“Eggnog,” Kylo answered. “I loved it when I was a kid.”

 

“Never had it.” He couldn’t wait to try. He sniffled – a sound he would vehemently deny ever making. “When…when did you get all this? The lights, the tree, the stockings?”

 

“On clearance last year after Christmas.”

 

“ _What?_ ” Hux turned back to him, incredulous. “It’s been in the car all this time?”

 

“One of the back seats lifts up, there’s storage underneath.” Kylo was beaming, pleased with himself. “That’s where I kept the bottle caps, too. And your gifts.”

 

Hux stared at him. “You’ve been planning this for a _year_ …” He swallowed tightly. “For me?”

 

“Of course for you.” He pulled Hux in close, arms around his waist. “Anything for you.”

 

“And you don’t think it’s…silly?”

 

“Why would I think that?” Kylo asked, so sincere. “I wanted this too.”

 

His dark eyes shone in the warm light, looking up at Hux with a reverence that made Hux feel powerful and, more astonishing still, loved. Hux trailed his fingers over Kylo’s beloved, familiar face, smoothed them over his hair which, he noticed, Kylo had combed neatly for the occasion. It was that little touch that melted the final bit of cold dread Hux had felt all month.

 

"You're not real,” he whispered. "Sometimes I swear I dreamed you up."

 

"You dreamed up a loser with anger issues to kidnap you?" Kylo pressed his face into Hux's chest with a little chuckle. Hux might have laughed too if he didn't know that deep down Kylo meant every word.

 

He tightened his fingers in Kylo's hair and guided his head back up to look him in the eye.

 

"I dreamed up a strong, beautiful man to take me away from my dull life," he corrected gently. He cupped Kylo's face. "Who treats me _so_ well.”

 

Kylo blinked up at him, lips trembling. Hux kissed him again. As he pulled away, Kylo dipping forward to try to keep kissing him, he remembered something.

 

“Stay right there,” Hux announced, sliding from Kylo’s lap in spite of his protests and reaching arms. He crouched down beside the couch and grabbed the laptop case, then rummaged around in it until he found what he was looking for.

 

When he rose to his feet, Kylo was staring at the cookies and was about to reach for one, only for Hux to catch his hand and ease him away, back against the couch. Hux returned to his spot straddling Kylo’s lap, looking down at him. Kylo seemed pleased enough with that to forget the cookies momentarily, leaning back with a little smile.

 

“What was so important?” he asked.

 

“I have something for you.”

 

Kylo blinked, the grin slipping from his face. “For me? But – you didn’t even know.” He narrowed his eyes. “You _didn’t_ know, right? You’re not just pretending to be surprised for my sake?”

 

It was Hux’s turn to smile. “No, love, I didn’t know.” Even in the dim light he could tell Kylo flushed at the endearment. “You were just as sneaky as you think you were.” He held out the small book, face down to keep it a surprise a little longer, suddenly wishing he’d thought to wrap it. “I got you something because…I wanted to. And then I spent the past few weeks debating whether or not to give it to you, because I thought you’d think it was…stupid.”

 

“Oh, babe…” Kylo held his shoulders. “Don’t you know that nothing you do is stupid? Not to me.” His eyes darted to the book in Hux’s hand then back up to his face. “What is it?”

 

Hux took a steadying breath. There was no going back now.

 

He turned the book over to reveal its title: _A Beginner’s Guide to the Night Sky_

Kylo grinned immediately. “Babe! This is great!” He took it from him before Hux could stop him, opening it to flip through. “I can finally learn some new constellations…maybe even find Mars for you like I promised…is this page marked? I – oh…”

 

As he held the book open, Hux reached out to catch the necklace before it fell out. He unclasped it and took the chain by each end, holding it up for Kylo to see, the silver charm shining as it caught the light.

 

Kylo stared. He lifted a hand, tilting the charm up with one finger to examine it.

 

“Is that– ”

 

“Yes.”

 

Kylo grinned crookedly. “Hey, I know that one.” Hux laughed a little, but he was still thrumming with nerves.

 

Then Kylo’s smile faded away into something more contemplative. “It’s beautiful,” he said quietly, still barely touching the charm. “I – are you sure you want _me_ to have this? It’s so nice…”

 

“Of course I’m sure,” Hux said, brow furrowed. “And why shouldn’t you have something nice?”

 

Kylo’s gaze dropped and the curve of his mouth seemed to follow; all of him sagged, taking Hux’s heart sinking with it. “I break everything I touch.”

 

The way he said it, as though he was reciting something he’d once been told, made Hux’s blood boil. All the things Kylo believed about himself were so at odds with the way Hux saw him. Hux wanted to snap at him for listening to people who clearly didn’t know a damn thing, except that it would make him a hypocrite, considering how many times in the past month alone he’d heard the phantom voice of his father, and worse, listened to it.

 

Hux took Kylo’s chin and guided his face back up to look at him. He considered Kylo a moment and then tugged at the collar of his shirt until Kylo caught on to what he was silently requesting and slipped it off. Hux rewarded him with a kiss.

 

“It reminded me of you,” Hux said softly, reaching around Kylo to loop the chain around his neck and clasp it, “ _because_ it’s beautiful. And because everywhere we go, this same shape is there in the sky. It makes me feel safe. Like you.”

 

Hux leaned back. As he went, he slid his fingertips along the silver chain, along Kylo’s neck, until they came to rest at his collar bone, which he then traced over lightly. He drew one finger from Kylo’s chin down his throat, over his Adam’s apple, watched it bob as Kylo swallowed, down to where the charm sat at the top of Kylo’s sternum. It hung just low enough to be tucked safely beneath the collar of one of Kylo’s t-shirts.

 

He smoothed his hands across Kylo’s shoulders and sat back further. The contrast was lovely: the delicate chain and intricate shape of the charm alongside Kylo’s muscled chest and broad shoulders. That dichotomy, strong yet so very precious, was everything he loved about Kylo.

 

Kylo looked up at him, dark eyes shining. Hux leaned in again to press a kiss to his neck. “Later,” he whispered, “you’re going to wear that, and nothing else, for me.”

 

Kylo shuddered. “Later?” He turned his face to mumble against Hux’s hair, voice dropping low. “Why not now?”

 

Hux sat up abruptly.

 

“Because you made me go out in the cold to rent a movie and we are damn well going to watch it.”

 

Kylo blink owlishly at him for a moment before snapping out of his daze, suddenly indignant.

  
“That was only so I could set up all this for you!”

 

“I promise I’ll make it worth the wait,” Hux said with a smirk.

 

Kylo remained sullen, though it was clearly only for show. Hux kissed his pouting lips until he finally gave in and smiled.

 

“What did you rent anyway? Something festive I hope.”

 

“…yeah, about that…”

 

Hux climbed off of Kylo’s lap to go pick up the scarf, hat, gloves and coat he’d tossed aside earlier. He pulled the DVD out from the coat pocket and returned to Kylo, plopping down beside him and showing him the case.

 

“Profanity, nudity, graphic violence,” Kylo read the warnings aloud. “Sounds like Christmas at my place growing up.”

 

“ _Nudity_?”

 

“Uncle Chewie was a bit of a free spirit.” Kylo grinned. “This sounds perfect to me. Holiday movies are lame anyway. Go ahead and put it in, I’ll grab the blanket from the bed.”

 

As they rose from the couch, Kylo smacked Hux’s ass and then darted away before Hux could retaliate. Hux rolled his eyes and shook his head. But as he crouched to put the DVD into the player, he looked around the room in all its colorful glory, and he felt a sudden wave of gratitude.

 

They came so close to never meeting in the first place. They grew up states apart, came from very different families, with very different paths set for them. And the nature of their meeting wasn’t exactly traditional. He could never have had any of this. Yet here they were.

 

Blinking away moisture in his eyes _yet again_ – the sentimentality really was getting to him, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care – he stood just as Kylo turned back around with the blanket in his arms.

 

They changed into pajamas, filled their glasses with eggnog, and got settled on the couch together. Kylo pulled the blanket around both their shoulders and set the plate of cookies on his lap for them to pick at while they watched, his arm snug around Hux. They realized a few minutes in that they’d left the radio on, but were already too comfortable to move. It ended up only enhancing the experience. “Blue Christmas” certainly made an interesting backdrop to a man getting devoured by an alien in the opening scene, and Kylo laughed so hard he couldn’t breathe when “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” came on during a particularly brutal massacre.

 

By the halfway point they’d abandoned their empty glasses and the half-finished plate of cookies and stretched out along the couch, Hux with his back against Kylo’s chest, held close in his arms. He could feel the gentle rumble when he laughed and the little jolts when something startled him. Kylo’s chin was propped on top of his head and occasionally he’d dip down to press a kiss to his hair.

 

During a lull in the action he squirmed in Kylo’s grip and turned to look at him.

 

“Thank you,” he said. “This is…everything. It’s perfect.” He tucked his face against Kylo’s neck, once again admiring the necklace there. “Thank you,” he repeated.

 

He couldn’t see Kylo’s face but he could tell he was smiling. His arms tightened around Hux.

 

“Merry Christmas, babe.”

 

Starting that year they tossed aside their family traditions in favor of making their own: bottle cap ornaments and newspaper-wrapped gifts and a sci-fi movie on Christmas Eve. And the best part was, it didn’t matter where they were. As long as they were together, they were home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! And whatever you celebrate or do this time of year, I hope it's a happy time for you all. <3 Thanks for all your support!!
> 
>  
> 
> Update: If you enjoy this series, please check out a work inspired by/set in it!! [All I Ask (Is a Star to Steer By)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13483404) by [Eastmava](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eastmava/pseuds/Eastmava)


End file.
